Update

So my weight on Monday was horrendous - 52.9 kilos. BUT: I think a lot of it was water weight, because on Tuesday my weight was 51.8kilos. I barely ate on Monday, but still, a 1.1 kg loss is more than I would have expected.

Yesterady - BAD. Ate FAR FAR too much. I have a lecture on Tuesday nights so perfect reason not to eat dinner, but once I got home I snacked. And snacked. And snacked.

Today it's only 11:30 and I've already eaten far too much. We had a work morning tea and I ate too much crap, and am now feeling sick. The only good thing is that other people were there seeing me eat. But now I have a 3 hour lecture I have to teach and all I want to do is try and purge, and with my lecture starting in 10 minutes I obviously can't do that.

(Yep - I'm a university lecturer who is probably more screwed up than all of her student's combined).

I have an assignment I have to work on tonight (also doing some post-grad study in addition to teaching), so I think I'll have to eat something to have some energy. But for the rest of today: 1 Apple + Vegtables.

Thursday Meal Plan: 1/2 sandwich (have a seminar which lunch provided) + Yoghurt + vegetables

Friday Meal Plan: Fast.

Weight - 2 August 2009

Sunday, 2 August 2009: 52.1kg / 25.2% body fat.

Not impressed. I should mention I binged and purged on Friday, and it always seems my weight drops after doing that - I think part of it must be due to a bit of dehydration. Because it seems even if I am good the next day (i.e. eating, but not much), I weight goes back up.

Last Monday my weight was 52.6kg. My aim was to lose 1.1kg a week for 16 weeks, which would take my weight to 35. My goal :) And it would be perfect timing, the 16 weeks would finish on 16 November, and I finish all my study on 14 November - so will have time to go shopping for new clothes, go to the beach, etc etc. And really, 1.1kg should not be difficult!!!!! But so far this week I have only lost 0.5kg.

A new month - a new me

1 August Stats:

51.8kg / 114 pounds
25.7% body fat

72.5 cm /28.5 inch waist
88.5 cm / 35 inch hips
89cm / 35 inch breasts
51cm / 20 inch thigh

My goals for this month:
Lose 5kg / 11 pounds

Challenges this month:

• Going on a long-weekend ski trip with friends (and one of whom, who I don't know very well, is a doctor). So completely worried about what I will be forced to eat, but almost looking forward to see what I can get away with when I'm eating with a doctor. I've never been skiing before, so don't know what happens during the day, do people leave the ski fields to get lunch etc??
• People at work have started noticing I've lost weight, so need to make sure if I'm eating I do it in front of people. Still winter so I can wear bulky jumpers to work though. Shows the stupidity of our society though, I'm still towards the higher end of my healthy weight range, and I feel like I'm having to hide that I have lost weight.

Belated updates

So I'm been very slack in posting of late. Am still sick, which makes it 4 weeks now. My study load has also been absolutely ridiculous. (I work full-time and am studying 2 different degrees at the same time).

I'm feeling very guilty, I keep putting my study above my weight loss in terms of priority. I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to study as well.

Anyway, after staying up until 4am last night working on an assignment, and snacking too much, I didn't weigh myself this morning. Just couldn't deal with it considering I had to get to work.

After posting last week that I was going to go on a liquid diet for 3 days. BIG FAT FAIL!!! I ended up putting on more weight on Saturday, going to 53.9kg. ARGH!!

Since then, things have gotten slowly better.

Monday, 27 July: 52.6.kg, / 26.2% body fat
Tuesday, 28 July: 52.4kg / 25.8% body fat
Wednesday, 29 July: 52.1kg / 26.1% body fat

Fat fat fat - 24 July 09

AARRRGHHHH!!!

Friday, 24 July 2009: 53.4kg, 25.5% body fat.

Why is this so hard? And how did I put on 1.3kg since Wednesday?

I am the first to admit that Wednesday and yesterday weren't great food wise, but they also weren't terrible. I ate some naughty food but I didn't binge.

It's Friday here and I'm off work sick (due to the flu) - I still have tons of study to do this weekend but I think 3 days of liquid dieting will do me good.

Weight - 22 July

Wednesday, 22 July 2009: 52.1kg, 25.8% body fat.

Happy but surprised.

Weight & the week ahead

Wednesday, 15 July 2009: 53.2kg, 27.6% body fat.

Well, the fast yesterday worked in terms of weight, but unimpressed with body fat. Maybe another saltwater flush?

The rest of the week and into next week is going to be a struggle.

Tomorrow (Thursday) I have a work dinner, hopefully I can get away with not eating much, but will have to make an effort to not draw attention to myself. Luckily people at work know I have been sick so if anyone notices I'm not eating much I can blame it on that.

Friday I have a conference all day, lunch will be sandwiches so aiming to get away with just eating half a sandwich.

Saturday I'm going back home (interstate), and have a friend's birthday that night. I'm going to have to fast all day before hand.

Sunday and Monday I'll be at home, in addition to my friend's birthday it's my Mum and aunt's birthday; and will be catching up with other friends which always seems to involve food.

AARGH!

Weight/fasting

Tuesday, 14 July 2009: 53.8kg, 26.3% body fat.

Yesterday was awful. It started bad with me taking some medication (over the counter) to try to clear up my sinuses, which contained an anti-hestimine, which promptly made me starving ALL DAY. So I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate. I tried to purge once but nothing really came up. So obviously I'm not happy my weight went up, but I honestly thought it would go up more than this.

FASTING today, will hopefully see results tomorrow.

It's going to be a long day, but I WILL GET THROUGH IT. As Yoda said "There is no try, there is only do".

Weight - 13 July 2009

Monday, 13 July 2009: 53.4kg, 25.4% body fat

Not happy my weight is still above 53kg, but didn't have a geat day yesterday so not surprised. Still, it annoys me that my weight is where it was last Friday, and still up from last Thursday and Saturday.

Not too sure about the body fat % - it seems to go up and down a fair bit, how can I have lost over 2% body fat in a day? Unless the saltwater flush really does cause miracles! (I'll post about my experiences with that later). Obviously I want the body fat % to be going down - but the weight is still the most important number.

Pissed off

Sunday, 12 July 2009: 53.4kg, 27.6% body fat.

So I thought I had a very good day food-wise yesterday. No more than 500 calories, but somehow I PUT BACK ON 0.5kg!! The same 0.5kg I had lost when I weight myself Saturday morning. Maybe I was dehydrated after puking on Friday night so put on water weight? I don't know. All I know is that it's days like today that make me miserable. I know 500 calories isn't low compared to what some ana's eat, but it isn't exactly a feast.

I went to the hairdresser's and shopping today, bought some sea salt so I can do a salt water flush this afternoon. http://www.lemondetox.com.au/laxteasseasalt.php

Not really looking forward to the whole 1-ltr salt water drink, but it will be worth it!

Feeling miserable

I'm so miserable today.

Weight wise the day started well - Saturday 11 July 2009 - 52.9kg.

And foodwise I've been pretty good. My throat is still killing me - think I'm going to have to go back to the doctor's if it doesn't get better soon, but it does mean a lot of ice and liquids.

But I turned my web cam on before. I bought a new laptop recently, my old one was so old it didn't have a web cam or anything like that. Anyway, that's what has made me miserable. I look disgusting. I feel like Homer on that episode of Simpsons (back in the first season or something - the one where Marge is painting a portrait of Mr Burns), and he is happy he has lost weight, and then Mr Burns says he is the "fattest thing I've seen - and I've been on safari". Happy I've lost weight but so much further to go.

I purged again last night. I hate myself when I do that. And once again I used Ipecac. I used to always be able to throw up easily, but not anymore. The day hadn't been going great foodwise, but realistically, I probably would have only eaten about 600 calories. Then I left work and went to McDonalds. Bad mistake. Bought a Happy Meal with 3 chicken nuggets, and thought - ok, will just eat the 3 nuggets, that's 141 calories, and as it was about 5:30pm, it was going to be my dinner. Then I started on the fries. And part of me still thought - ok, so you shouldn't have eaten those, but it still was probably less than 1,000 for the day. But then I bought a slice of mud cake. Came home and ate that, and then ate some corn chips. Then purged.

Why is it so hard for me to just not eat?

Latest weight

Friday, 10 July 2009: 54.4kg, 27.8% body fat.
Thursday, 9 July 2009: 54.3kg, 26.9% body fat

Some shit happened yesterday which I don't really want to talk about yet. Had a bad day for a number of reasons. Surprisingly not too concerned that my weight went up by 100g, but annoyed about my body fat % - although not surprising considering I've been doing no exercise.

I'm going to the hairdressers on Sunday - not that it will make me beautiful - no hairstyle will be able to hide my double chin, but hopefully it will make me feel a little bit better.

Weight etc

Wednesday, 8 July 2009: 53.4kg, 26.7% body fat.

At least it's down. I was a bit worried what my weight would be - after losing .7kg the day before, I thought it might bounce back. I didn't eat a lot yesterday, but still ate too much, and last night, even though I had planned not to have dinner, my throat was really sore so I had two iceblocks. Approx 50 calories each but pure sugar.

I "chewed and spit" about half a block of chocolate last night. I didn't actually know until recently that that was fairly common in eating disorders. The first time I did it was a few years ago - I had put myself on a 5 day detox, which went as follows - Day 1: Fruit, vegetables, fruit juice, water. Day 2: Fruit juice and water. Day 3: Water. Day 4: Fruit juice and water Dat 5: Fruit, vegetables, water. Just for the record, I didn't do this to lose weight (although of course that was a nice side effect). I was on university holidays, I had been completely unhealthy - I have always drunk a lot of diet coke, and was also using a lot of panadol etc, so I really just wanted to clear my system. Anyway, I was on the last day of my detox and just needed to taste something apart from fruit and vegies, but I figured if I didn't swallow it, it wouldn't be so bad. Like the calorie counter I mentioned in my last post, I suddenly thought this was the answer to all my problems, but honestly, I don't really enjoy it, so only did it once or twice. I never feel satisfied, and particularly last night with something like choclate, I know I end up getting a few calories here and there, because it sticks to your teeth etc. But I was so tempted to binge last night, and at least it stopped me doing that.

Weight update / Thoughts

Weight for last two days:

Tuesday, 7 July 2009: 53.5kg / 27.3% body fat

Monday, 6 July 2009: 54.2kg / 27.9% body fat

I was really depressed with my weight Monday morning. I know it was only 100g heavier than on Sunday, but I had barely eaten anything on Sunday so thought it would go down. However, I guess since I was sick I wasn't actually awake for much of Sunday, and when I was awake I spent most of the day in bed, so shouldn't have eaten anything.

Then yesterday (Monday), I took the day of work because I was still sick and went to the doctors. (Who basically said it's a virus, I don't need any anti-biotics, and I'll be fine). I walked to the doctor's, which was about a 35 minute walk. Not much, but at least it was some exercise. I didn't have a great day; but was going ok; and then I ended up eating dinner with my flatmate last night. VERY BAD. I was still feeling sick, I was tired, and when my flatmate offered me some dinner I didn't have the energy to say no or explain why I wasn't eating. I was able to get away with not eating much, she knew I was sick, so was able to say I wasn't very hungry. But I have to keep reminding myself this is long-term. My flatmate and I get along well, but we pretty much lead our own lives, cook our own food etc. However, I'm sure if she never sees me eating dinner she will start to wonder. It won't be hard to hide - she usually cooks dinner and goes to her room to eat, but I figure if she sometimes sees me eating she won't be thinking about it. But am happy I resisted the urge to then binge and purge; as I really hate purging. And once again, have flatmate - have my own bathroom but when I binged and purged on Friday and Saturday she wasn't home. Always worried she will hear (although I make sure I run a bath or turn the shower on).

This has turned into a bit of a blabber so I'll stop. Anyway - happy with the decline in my weight today.

Weight update

Sunday, 5 July 2009: 54.1 kg / 27.1% body fat

Saturday, 4 July 2009: 54.4 kg / 27.9% body fat

Friday, 2 July 2009: 54.8kg / 28.4% body fat
(result of having a bad day Thursday and not purging)

Thursday, 2 July 2009: 54.4kg / 27.9% body fat

Weight - 1 July 2009

Wednesday, 1 July 2009: 54.5kg, 27.9% body fat.

Surprised (but happy) I lost weight - I ate a McChicken burger last night and didn't purge. I had been reasonably good the rest of the day so I guess my calories intake ended up being around the 1,200 mark (have to start keeping better track).

Weight - 30 June 2009

Tuesday, 30 June 2009: 54.8kg, 29% body fat.

I don't think I've been at this weight for about 3 years. Still a long way to go though.

Weight, 29 June 2009

Monday, 29 June 2009: 55.0kg, 29.2% Body Fat

Weight - 28 June 2009

Sunday, 28 June 2009: 55.0kg Body fat: 29.6%

Yesterday started off badly, but then the lift broke in my building so I had to walk up a mountain of stairs, and because I'm so unfit I felt so sick once I got up to my apartment that it was easy to throw my guts up. (Not even deliberately).

Weight - 27 June 2009

Saturday, 27 June 2009: 55.5g, Body fat: 29.3%

(I have body fat scales so will start also noting my body fat percentage).

Am absolutely shocked my weight went down considering what I ate yesterday. My Mum used to say that it takes an extra day to catch up with you, so trying to stick to Diet Coke and mandarins today.