An update

I haven't posted for a few days.

Was busy at work and now seem to have the flu. Slept about 13/14 hours Friday and Saturday night, and still feel exhausted. Have a bad headache that won't go away and a sore throat. Will see how I'm feeling tomorrow, I might end up taking a few days off. I started a new job in Feb, have been their 5 months and so far have not taken a day off, so don't really know what the policy is in terms of getting a doctor's certificate if I'm off sick. Almost everyone I work with is on holidays so I don't think they will really care if I'm not there. (I work at a university so it's pretty flexible). I don't really want to go to the doctor's - not that I'm anywhere near thin enough that they would think something is up in terms of my weight/eating (seriously, my BMI is still 24 at the moment). But they'll probably want to test me for swine flu. Fun.

Dieting/weight - it sucks. Both Friday and Saturday I purged after eating too much. I never go on full out binges, my "binges" are probably a max of 600 calories or so, but I still just felt disgusting after eating crap. And what is worse, I've been using Ipecac. Why is it so hard to throw up? I used to throw up quite a lot as a child - and not deliberately. I just seemed to always have a sensitive stomach. It is the first time I have used Ipecac - to be honest, from the horror stories I heard I thought I would be throwing up all night. I still had to stick my fingers down my throat at first (even after waiting after taking it) - but it did make it a lot easier for everything to come up. But honestly, purging is a disgusting habit. Why can't I just have the will power not to eat in the first place?