Thursday, November 12, 2009

still here

So i'm still here and still alive. Why can I never keep a blog going?

"The thinner I become the fatter I feel".

I'm now 48kg (as of yesterday). Which is obviously a pathetic weight loss since when I last posted in August my weight was 52kg-ish.

I'm still glad it's going down - my "revised" goals are:
By 3 December - 45kg
By 2 Jan - 39.9kg (Under 40!!)
By 1 Feb - 35kg

So it's basically 5kg a month.

But anyway, back to my statement above. I'm now only 3kg from having a BMI under 20, considered by most accounts to be underweight. What a piece of sh*t. There is no way I am almost underweight. When I was obese (yes - obese at almost 70kg), I felt fat, don't get me wrong, but now it's like there are particular areas which just disgust me.

I have tonsilitus (I think) so it hurts to swallow. Which is good for weight loss. But makes me feel miserable :(

Saturday, August 8, 2009


So I've had a bad couple of days food wise. And haven't weighed myself so I'm not looking forward to the scales at the moment. Have to be good for the rest of the weekend and hopefully it will be a good number of Monday.

I saw my shrink Thursday morning. I see him for severe depression, which is under control. But my weight has never been an issue we discussed. It came up briefly with my last shrink (before I moved) and that was because I was putting on a lot after going on a new drug.

I feel so fucked up at the moment, and yet I must be one of his 'easiest' patients. I go in with a "happy face" say everything is going well, he gives me a new prescription and I'm out in 5minutes. He wants me to participate in an experiment though, I need to have a blood test to see how much of an enzyme or something I have, which apparently will show how fast I metabolise anti-depressants. Anyway, slightly concerned because I take a lot of caffeine based diet pills - funnily enough not for weight loss - I was taking them regularly at my heaviest, but just to give me energy. Got quite sick years ago, I think with chronic fatigure syndrome, and even though I'm "better" I still sleep more than most people would consider normal I guess. Anyway, now I've been taking these pills for so long I crash when I stop taking them. I'm babbling. The point is I don't know whehter they will have an effect on my blood test.

I've been watching videos on youtube - a lot of which are meant to be recovery videos - but I watch them to hopefully be triggered into not eating.

one thing is certain - this is already starting to control my life, which kind of sucks, because the amount of work and study I have I need to focus on those.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


So my weight on Monday was horrendous - 52.9 kilos. BUT: I think a lot of it was water weight, because on Tuesday my weight was 51.8kilos. I barely ate on Monday, but still, a 1.1 kg loss is more than I would have expected.

Yesterady - BAD. Ate FAR FAR too much. I have a lecture on Tuesday nights so perfect reason not to eat dinner, but once I got home I snacked. And snacked. And snacked.

Today it's only 11:30 and I've already eaten far too much. We had a work morning tea and I ate too much crap, and am now feeling sick. The only good thing is that other people were there seeing me eat. But now I have a 3 hour lecture I have to teach and all I want to do is try and purge, and with my lecture starting in 10 minutes I obviously can't do that.

(Yep - I'm a university lecturer who is probably more screwed up than all of her student's combined).

I have an assignment I have to work on tonight (also doing some post-grad study in addition to teaching), so I think I'll have to eat something to have some energy. But for the rest of today: 1 Apple + Vegtables.

Thursday Meal Plan: 1/2 sandwich (have a seminar which lunch provided) + Yoghurt + vegetables

Friday Meal Plan: Fast.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Weight - 2 August 2009

Sunday, 2 August 2009: 52.1kg / 25.2% body fat.

Not impressed. I should mention I binged and purged on Friday, and it always seems my weight drops after doing that - I think part of it must be due to a bit of dehydration. Because it seems even if I am good the next day (i.e. eating, but not much), I weight goes back up.

Last Monday my weight was 52.6kg. My aim was to lose 1.1kg a week for 16 weeks, which would take my weight to 35. My goal :) And it would be perfect timing, the 16 weeks would finish on 16 November, and I finish all my study on 14 November - so will have time to go shopping for new clothes, go to the beach, etc etc. And really, 1.1kg should not be difficult!!!!! But so far this week I have only lost 0.5kg.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Weight lost in july

Just looked back at my post from 1 July and realised I only lost 2.7kg in July. That is disgusting! Not even 3/4 of a kilo a week!!!!!

A new month - a new me

1 August Stats:

51.8kg / 114 pounds
25.7% body fat

72.5 cm /28.5 inch waist
88.5 cm / 35 inch hips
89cm / 35 inch breasts
51cm / 20 inch thigh

My goals for this month:
Lose 5kg / 11 pounds

Challenges this month:

  • Going on a long-weekend ski trip with friends (and one of whom, who I don't know very well, is a doctor). So completely worried about what I will be forced to eat, but almost looking forward to see what I can get away with when I'm eating with a doctor. I've never been skiing before, so don't know what happens during the day, do people leave the ski fields to get lunch etc??
  • People at work have started noticing I've lost weight, so need to make sure if I'm eating I do it in front of people. Still winter so I can wear bulky jumpers to work though. Shows the stupidity of our society though, I'm still towards the higher end of my healthy weight range, and I feel like I'm having to hide that I have lost weight.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Some cute reverse thinspiration

This was in an e-mail received today, made me laugh. Some "chubbies" can be pretty cute! :)


Belated updates

So I'm been very slack in posting of late. Am still sick, which makes it 4 weeks now. My study load has also been absolutely ridiculous. (I work full-time and am studying 2 different degrees at the same time).

I'm feeling very guilty, I keep putting my study above my weight loss in terms of priority. I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to study as well.

Anyway, after staying up until 4am last night working on an assignment, and snacking too much, I didn't weigh myself this morning. Just couldn't deal with it considering I had to get to work.

After posting last week that I was going to go on a liquid diet for 3 days. BIG FAT FAIL!!! I ended up putting on more weight on Saturday, going to 53.9kg. ARGH!!

Since then, things have gotten slowly better.

Monday, 27 July:, / 26.2% body fat
Tuesday, 28 July: 52.4kg / 25.8% body fat
Wednesday, 29 July: 52.1kg / 26.1% body fat

Friday, July 24, 2009

Some thinspiration: Supersize vs. Superskinny

Supersize vs. Superskinny (Channel 4 UK TV show).

The "supersize" has a BMI of 67!!
The "superskinny" has a 22 inch waist.

Fat fat fat - 24 July 09


Friday, 24 July 2009: 53.4kg, 25.5% body fat.

Why is this so hard? And how did I put on 1.3kg since Wednesday?

I am the first to admit that Wednesday and yesterday weren't great food wise, but they also weren't terrible. I ate some naughty food but I didn't binge.

It's Friday here and I'm off work sick (due to the flu) - I still have tons of study to do this weekend but I think 3 days of liquid dieting will do me good.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Weight - 22 July

Wednesday, 22 July 2009: 52.1kg, 25.8% body fat.

Happy but surprised.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I went home for a long weekend so I haven't weighed myself for a while. Hopefully I see a drop tomorrow.

Weekend was bad food wise - I knew I would have to eat more than I had been, as I was seeing a lot of people at meal times etc. But I'm still pissed off at myself with how much I ate.

Saturday I was reasonable during the day, but had planned on fasting until dinner (I didn't fly home until the afternoon). Saturday night I went out to dinner, and yes, I obviously had to eat, but I didn't have to eat as much as I did. I tried to throw up when I got home (while having the hair dryer on to muffle the sound), but I just couldn't. I'm really concerned that the only time know I can seem to throw up is when I've taken some Ipecac.

Sunday - awful. Went out for breakfast and had pancakes. Then in the afternoon I had a slice of birthday cake (it was my Mum and aunt's birthday). Sunday night I was really stressed out about some assignments (I'm studying two postgraduate degrees and working full time). My Mum knows how stressed I can get, so the positive thing about this was that I got out of eating dinner.

Monday - not too bad.

I don't think my weight has gone up over the past week, but I hope it has gone down.

Dance Your Ass Off

Has anyone seen this show? I'm in Australia and it just started tonight. It's a cross between "So You Think You Can Dance" and "The Biggest Loser". It's certainly thinspiration - chubbo's dancing in tiny sequined costumes.

The first person who danced (who weighed over 250 pounds) was wearing a disgusting bright orange outfit with flesh showing through, and said she "felt so good"... um, hate to break it to you honey but you looked sooooo bad.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Weight & the week ahead

Wednesday, 15 July 2009: 53.2kg, 27.6% body fat.

Well, the fast yesterday worked in terms of weight, but unimpressed with body fat. Maybe another saltwater flush?

The rest of the week and into next week is going to be a struggle.

Tomorrow (Thursday) I have a work dinner, hopefully I can get away with not eating much, but will have to make an effort to not draw attention to myself. Luckily people at work know I have been sick so if anyone notices I'm not eating much I can blame it on that.

Friday I have a conference all day, lunch will be sandwiches so aiming to get away with just eating half a sandwich.

Saturday I'm going back home (interstate), and have a friend's birthday that night. I'm going to have to fast all day before hand.

Sunday and Monday I'll be at home, in addition to my friend's birthday it's my Mum and aunt's birthday; and will be catching up with other friends which always seems to involve food.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Tuesday, 14 July 2009: 53.8kg, 26.3% body fat.

Yesterday was awful. It started bad with me taking some medication (over the counter) to try to clear up my sinuses, which contained an anti-hestimine, which promptly made me starving ALL DAY. So I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate. I tried to purge once but nothing really came up. So obviously I'm not happy my weight went up, but I honestly thought it would go up more than this.

FASTING today, will hopefully see results tomorrow.

It's going to be a long day, but I WILL GET THROUGH IT. As Yoda said "There is no try, there is only do".

Monday, July 13, 2009

I miss...

I miss....

Eating lollies without worrying how many calories I'm consuming
Eating a meal without wondering if I can purge afterwards
Smiling for a photo without thinking how fat I will look
Putting on an outfit without scruitnising myself in the mirror
Mum being able to make everything better with a hug and a kiss

I miss ... Being Happy

I wrote this this afternoon (I've had a bad day in case you couldn't tell), but I'm not sure if the last line is true. I'm not sure if I've ever been happy. I look at photos when I was younger and I certainly look happy, but I can't remember the last time I was "happy". I've been on anti-depressants since I was 14, they have had times of working and times of not working, but even when they have been working I don't think I've been happy - they just meant I haven't been suicidally depressed.

Saltwater flush

I did a saltwater flush yesterday afternoon, which is basically a laxative drink.

All you need to do is mix 2 teaspoons of sea salt (probably available in supermarkets, I bought a pack at a health food store) in a litre of warm water and drink.

My experience:
Taste: Well, it's not great. After all, you are drinking warm salt water. But it's unpleasant rather than horrible. The salty taste does linger in your mouth for a while afterwards.
Quantity: I only managed to get through about 800mls. You do start to feel quite bloated. Will have to drink the whole litre next time.
Effects: Took a bit longer than I thought to work, probably took me about 30 minutes to drink the 800 mls, then about an hour before I started feeling any effects. Keep this in mind if you are doing it in the morning and have to go out! Then it was one trip to the bathroom, and after about another 10 minutes, a second trip. That was it for me.

Overall, not a bad experience and I will do it again.

Weight - 13 July 2009

Monday, 13 July 2009: 53.4kg, 25.4% body fat

Not happy my weight is still above 53kg, but didn't have a geat day yesterday so not surprised. Still, it annoys me that my weight is where it was last Friday, and still up from last Thursday and Saturday.

Not too sure about the body fat % - it seems to go up and down a fair bit, how can I have lost over 2% body fat in a day? Unless the saltwater flush really does cause miracles! (I'll post about my experiences with that later). Obviously I want the body fat % to be going down - but the weight is still the most important number.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Pissed off

Sunday, 12 July 2009: 53.4kg, 27.6% body fat.

So I thought I had a very good day food-wise yesterday. No more than 500 calories, but somehow I PUT BACK ON 0.5kg!! The same 0.5kg I had lost when I weight myself Saturday morning. Maybe I was dehydrated after puking on Friday night so put on water weight? I don't know. All I know is that it's days like today that make me miserable. I know 500 calories isn't low compared to what some ana's eat, but it isn't exactly a feast.

I went to the hairdresser's and shopping today, bought some sea salt so I can do a salt water flush this afternoon.

Not really looking forward to the whole 1-ltr salt water drink, but it will be worth it!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Feeling miserable

I'm so miserable today.

Weight wise the day started well - Saturday 11 July 2009 - 52.9kg.

And foodwise I've been pretty good. My throat is still killing me - think I'm going to have to go back to the doctor's if it doesn't get better soon, but it does mean a lot of ice and liquids.

But I turned my web cam on before. I bought a new laptop recently, my old one was so old it didn't have a web cam or anything like that. Anyway, that's what has made me miserable. I look disgusting. I feel like Homer on that episode of Simpsons (back in the first season or something - the one where Marge is painting a portrait of Mr Burns), and he is happy he has lost weight, and then Mr Burns says he is the "fattest thing I've seen - and I've been on safari". Happy I've lost weight but so much further to go.

I purged again last night. I hate myself when I do that. And once again I used Ipecac. I used to always be able to throw up easily, but not anymore. The day hadn't been going great foodwise, but realistically, I probably would have only eaten about 600 calories. Then I left work and went to McDonalds. Bad mistake. Bought a Happy Meal with 3 chicken nuggets, and thought - ok, will just eat the 3 nuggets, that's 141 calories, and as it was about 5:30pm, it was going to be my dinner. Then I started on the fries. And part of me still thought - ok, so you shouldn't have eaten those, but it still was probably less than 1,000 for the day. But then I bought a slice of mud cake. Came home and ate that, and then ate some corn chips. Then purged.

Why is it so hard for me to just not eat?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Latest weight

Friday, 10 July 2009: 54.4kg, 27.8% body fat.
Thursday, 9 July 2009: 54.3kg, 26.9% body fat

Some shit happened yesterday which I don't really want to talk about yet. Had a bad day for a number of reasons. Surprisingly not too concerned that my weight went up by 100g, but annoyed about my body fat % - although not surprising considering I've been doing no exercise.

I'm going to the hairdressers on Sunday - not that it will make me beautiful - no hairstyle will be able to hide my double chin, but hopefully it will make me feel a little bit better.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Weight etc

Wednesday, 8 July 2009: 53.4kg, 26.7% body fat.

At least it's down. I was a bit worried what my weight would be - after losing .7kg the day before, I thought it might bounce back. I didn't eat a lot yesterday, but still ate too much, and last night, even though I had planned not to have dinner, my throat was really sore so I had two iceblocks. Approx 50 calories each but pure sugar.

I "chewed and spit" about half a block of chocolate last night. I didn't actually know until recently that that was fairly common in eating disorders. The first time I did it was a few years ago - I had put myself on a 5 day detox, which went as follows - Day 1: Fruit, vegetables, fruit juice, water. Day 2: Fruit juice and water. Day 3: Water. Day 4: Fruit juice and water Dat 5: Fruit, vegetables, water. Just for the record, I didn't do this to lose weight (although of course that was a nice side effect). I was on university holidays, I had been completely unhealthy - I have always drunk a lot of diet coke, and was also using a lot of panadol etc, so I really just wanted to clear my system. Anyway, I was on the last day of my detox and just needed to taste something apart from fruit and vegies, but I figured if I didn't swallow it, it wouldn't be so bad. Like the calorie counter I mentioned in my last post, I suddenly thought this was the answer to all my problems, but honestly, I don't really enjoy it, so only did it once or twice. I never feel satisfied, and particularly last night with something like choclate, I know I end up getting a few calories here and there, because it sticks to your teeth etc. But I was so tempted to binge last night, and at least it stopped me doing that.

Calorie counters

Received a calorie counter and diet/exercise diary I ordered in the mail yesterday.

It's been years since I bought a calorie counter. I remember the first one I ever bought - it was 1998. I remember thinking it would solve all my problems - now I know the calories in everything! How can I not lose weight?? Of course, there is a big difference between KNOWING the calories in food and CONTROLLING the calories in food. I think I bought another one about 7 years ago.

Since then, I had just been using the old ones I had, and relying on information on packets, and if necessary, using the net. But it's nice to have a new calorie counter - all nice and shiny and new. Of course, I can waste so much time reading it - wondering how I could have possibly eaten some things, and dreaming about all the things I would like to binge on.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Photos from my heaviest

Some reverse thinspiration ahead.

As I mentioned in my last post, last year I was a lot heavier than I am now. These are pictures that were taken on different occasions, but would have both been around the time I was at my heaviest.

My DOUBLE chin and HUMONGOUS arms... EWWW! Happy to say I now don't look as bad now, but still have a long way to go. (Particularly with my arms - no matter how much weight I lose they will need some serious toning).

The only thing that is thin are my lips ... never been a huge fan of plastic surgery but I think some collagen is in order!

Another milestone

I should say that with my weight of 53.5kg today (117.7 pounds), I have passed another milestone, I have lost over 15 kilos (33 pounds) from my heaviest.

I guess I'm different from a lot of people with pro-ana blogs/sites in the fact I'm no where near being an anorexic weight, or even underweight for my height. My BMI is now under 24, but at my heaviest I was 68.8kg, (just over 151 pounds), which for my height made me obese. My BMI was 30.577 - I WAS A FAT DISGUSTING PIG.

My excessive weight was a combination of things, I was on anti-depressants that made me hungry ALL the time (seriously, it was a horrible feeling, I could eat until I felt nauseaus and still be hungry); I worked insane hours so didn't have time to exericse, and most importantly, had NO WILLPOWER so didn't make the time to exercise and didn't watch what I ate.

I've since come off those anti-depressants (still on some others), changed jobs, and am now much more focused.

Looking back at photos from that time (it was only last year), I am disgusted with myself and what I looked like. I will have a fiddle with some (want to cover my face etc) and post some later today.

I know I have lost weight because of the clothes I wore back then, but I just don't feel like I have lost that much weight. I feel like maybe I've lost 5 kilos since my heaviest, not 15kg.

I remember clearly, a moment at a party in January 1999 - I had just finished high school and was about to start university. A friend of mine was there with her boyfriend, who was wanting to join the navy, but had been told he needed to put on some weight (one of these lanky guys who could eat anything and everything and still be as skinny as a rake). She said to me, "don't you hate it that guys can eat anything and only weigh 60kg?" At that point, I weighed about 42kg (92.4 pounds). (Still thought I was fat, although I was shorter back then than I was now - I was still growing when I started uni). I thought to myself, "I would kill myself if I weighed 60kg". Considering I still wanted to lose weight at 42kg, the thought of putting on almost 20kg - it just wasn't fathomable. To think that I ended up putting on over 25kg since that weight - I'm just disgusted with myself.

I know that if you have a full-blown ED you can look in the mirror and see yourself as being a lot fatter than you actually are. I think at my heaviest I had the opposite problem, I knew I was overweight but didn't realise how overweight. It's only now when I look at photos I was to rip my skin off for letting myself get that way.

I will never get ANYWHERE near that weight again.

Weight update / Thoughts

Weight for last two days:

Tuesday, 7 July 2009: 53.5kg / 27.3% body fat

Monday, 6 July 2009: 54.2kg / 27.9% body fat

I was really depressed with my weight Monday morning. I know it was only 100g heavier than on Sunday, but I had barely eaten anything on Sunday so thought it would go down. However, I guess since I was sick I wasn't actually awake for much of Sunday, and when I was awake I spent most of the day in bed, so shouldn't have eaten anything.

Then yesterday (Monday), I took the day of work because I was still sick and went to the doctors. (Who basically said it's a virus, I don't need any anti-biotics, and I'll be fine). I walked to the doctor's, which was about a 35 minute walk. Not much, but at least it was some exercise. I didn't have a great day; but was going ok; and then I ended up eating dinner with my flatmate last night. VERY BAD. I was still feeling sick, I was tired, and when my flatmate offered me some dinner I didn't have the energy to say no or explain why I wasn't eating. I was able to get away with not eating much, she knew I was sick, so was able to say I wasn't very hungry. But I have to keep reminding myself this is long-term. My flatmate and I get along well, but we pretty much lead our own lives, cook our own food etc. However, I'm sure if she never sees me eating dinner she will start to wonder. It won't be hard to hide - she usually cooks dinner and goes to her room to eat, but I figure if she sometimes sees me eating she won't be thinking about it. But am happy I resisted the urge to then binge and purge; as I really hate purging. And once again, have flatmate - have my own bathroom but when I binged and purged on Friday and Saturday she wasn't home. Always worried she will hear (although I make sure I run a bath or turn the shower on).

This has turned into a bit of a blabber so I'll stop. Anyway - happy with the decline in my weight today.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Weight update

Sunday, 5 July 2009: 54.1 kg / 27.1% body fat

Saturday, 4 July 2009: 54.4 kg / 27.9% body fat

Friday, 2 July 2009: 54.8kg / 28.4% body fat
(result of having a bad day Thursday and not purging)

Thursday, 2 July 2009: 54.4kg / 27.9% body fat

An update

I haven't posted for a few days.

Was busy at work and now seem to have the flu. Slept about 13/14 hours Friday and Saturday night, and still feel exhausted. Have a bad headache that won't go away and a sore throat. Will see how I'm feeling tomorrow, I might end up taking a few days off. I started a new job in Feb, have been their 5 months and so far have not taken a day off, so don't really know what the policy is in terms of getting a doctor's certificate if I'm off sick. Almost everyone I work with is on holidays so I don't think they will really care if I'm not there. (I work at a university so it's pretty flexible). I don't really want to go to the doctor's - not that I'm anywhere near thin enough that they would think something is up in terms of my weight/eating (seriously, my BMI is still 24 at the moment). But they'll probably want to test me for swine flu. Fun.

Dieting/weight - it sucks. Both Friday and Saturday I purged after eating too much. I never go on full out binges, my "binges" are probably a max of 600 calories or so, but I still just felt disgusting after eating crap. And what is worse, I've been using Ipecac. Why is it so hard to throw up? I used to throw up quite a lot as a child - and not deliberately. I just seemed to always have a sensitive stomach. It is the first time I have used Ipecac - to be honest, from the horror stories I heard I thought I would be throwing up all night. I still had to stick my fingers down my throat at first (even after waiting after taking it) - but it did make it a lot easier for everything to come up. But honestly, purging is a disgusting habit. Why can't I just have the will power not to eat in the first place?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Thinspiration - Gemma Ward

Some thinspiration for the day - Gemma Ward, a fabulous Aussie model

Weight - 1 July 2009

Wednesday, 1 July 2009: 54.5kg, 27.9% body fat.

Surprised (but happy) I lost weight - I ate a McChicken burger last night and didn't purge. I had been reasonably good the rest of the day so I guess my calories intake ended up being around the 1,200 mark (have to start keeping better track).

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


If you have a lot of weight to lose, the end goal can seem so far away.

I still have at least 15kg to lose (probably closer to 20kg) to lose, so I've decided to break this into mini goals of 3kg lots. (Starting from 55.0kg).

So the goals posts are:

And then I'll see how I'm looking.

Not sure how I will celebrate each mini goal - it's not like I can use food to celebrate.

Weight - 30 June 2009

Tuesday, 30 June 2009: 54.8kg, 29% body fat.

I don't think I've been at this weight for about 3 years. Still a long way to go though.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Horrible comments

I was walking to work this morning and a teenage boy stuck his head at the car window and yelled out "you're fat and ugly".

Just goes to show my view of myself isn't distored after all.

Weight, 29 June 2009

Monday, 29 June 2009: 55.0kg, 29.2% Body Fat

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Weight - 28 June 2009

Sunday, 28 June 2009: 55.0kg Body fat: 29.6%

Yesterday started off badly, but then the lift broke in my building so I had to walk up a mountain of stairs, and because I'm so unfit I felt so sick once I got up to my apartment that it was easy to throw my guts up. (Not even deliberately).

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Weight - 27 June 2009

Saturday, 27 June 2009: 55.5g, Body fat: 29.3%

(I have body fat scales so will start also noting my body fat percentage).

Am absolutely shocked my weight went down considering what I ate yesterday. My Mum used to say that it takes an extra day to catch up with you, so trying to stick to Diet Coke and mandarins today.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Weight - 26 June 2009

Friday 26 June 2009: 55.7kg

Not even a 1kg loss for the week, and I expect my weight to be up tomorrow because I've already eaten too much for the day.

That is probably what my belly looks like at the moment.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Weight - 25 June 2009

Thursday 25 June 2009: 55.9kg

Self-inflicted from eating too much yesterday - after throwing up last night due to alcohol, I really thought I had gotten most everything out my system, but purging never gets rid of all the calories.

Feeling hungover, which at least means I won't be eating much today.

Alcohol - pros and cons

I finished exams yesterday so celebrated by having too much to drink, which led me to think about the pros and cons of alcohol in terms of trying to lose weight.

Reduces will power: In addition to having too much to drink last night I also ate far too much.
Calories: Alcohol has quite a lot of calories, and because they are drunk rather than eaten, you don't feel like you have had that many calories.

If you are like me, and a "one-shot wonder" (i.e. get drunk pretty quickly), it can have some pros:
Makes it a lot easier to throw-up. After coming home from the work dinner last night (where I had far too much to eat), I didn't even have to force myself to throw up.

However, I put on .3 kg between yesterday and today, which in my book means the cons outweigh the pros.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Weight - 23 & 24 June 2009

Tuesday 23 June 2009: 55.8 kg
Amazing, considering I binged Monday night and couldn't make myself throw up much.

Wednesday 24 June 2009: 55.6kg
I have an exam this afternoon so will be eating something to make sure I can concentrate. Then I have a stupid work dinner tonight - hopefully I can get away without eating much. A lot of people I work with are on weight watchers, so hoepfully they will be more concerned with what they are eating.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Plus-price for plus-sizw


"UK chain store New Look is under fire for charging £2 more for its range of plus-sized jeans (size 18 and above). The store explained its price rise, saying that while it normally absorbed the extra cost, occasionally it had to pass on the cost to consumers."

Heaven forbid - fat people have to pay more for clothing that uses more materials than "normal" sizes.

ANA Commandments

ANA Commandments
1. If you aren't thin you aren't attractive.
2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3. You must buy small clothes, cut your hair, take diet pills, starve yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner.
4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5. Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself afterwards.
6. Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7. What the scale says is the most important thing.
8. Losing weight is good / gaining weight is bad.
9. You can never be too thin.
10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.

Weight - 22 June 2009

Monday: 22 June: 55.9kg

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Weight for last 3 days

Friday 19 June: 56.5kg.
Barely add anything during the day but binged/purged that night.

Saturday 20 June: 56.00kg
Was trying to have a more healthy day, but obviously ate too much judging by my weight this morning.

Sunday 21 June: 56.2kg

Goal for Monday: be under 56kg

Starting posts / overall goals

Starting stats (19 June 2009)

Height: 150cm / 4'11"
Starting weight: 56.5kg / 124.3 pounds
Starting waist measurement: 79cm / 31"
Starting BMI: 25.11

Overall goals

Goal weight (max): 39kg / 86 pounds (BMI: 17.33)
Goal waist measurement: 61 cm / 24"

"Perfection" weight: 35kg/ 77 pounds (BMI: 15.55)

24 inch waist

The url for my blog is, because that is my aim - to have a 24 inch waist which is a US Size Zero.